I am this Mother. Are You?
I am a Mother who is incredibly tough on her children. At the first hint of rudeness I am on it like a rash. Nothing gets past me.
I am a Mother who is incredibly soft on her children. At the first hint of rudeness I ignore it and I know I'm ignoring it. My toes sort of curl inwards inside of my shoes but I walk away because I'm trying to 'pick my battles' and tonight I'm exhausted.
I am a Mother who is focused on her children's school education with a laser like intensity. We do 'our' homework, we read 'our' books, I correct their grammar, we do maths in the car on our fingers, I introduce them to books and stories that are far beyond what they are currently reading at school in the chance that they will grow.
I am a Mother who is focused on my children being free to be children with a laser like intensity. When I hear about the Scandinavian countries starting their children at school several years later than we start ours my heart breaks and I feel incredibly passionate about trying to start that here.
I am a Mother who feels no guilt if I believe that I am doing what is best for my child. No matter how much they cry, beg or wail. I know best, I am the parent, I have been here longer and this is the way it should be done. And I inform them of that very clearly.
I am a Mother who feels tremendously guilty if my tone of voice is anything less than 'Earth Mother' soft. Why can't I have more patience? Why can't I be more fun? Why am I always tired? I promised myself I wouldn't be the 'tired mummy'. WHY AM I ALWAYS TIRED? I cry when I see them in bed at night and they are fast asleep. When their cheeks are a little bit red from being too warm underneath the blankets and their snores make them sound like little bears.
I am a Mother who is determined to teach them the value of money. They have to know what it feels like to earn their own money and not be handed everything on a plate. To have the drive to get out of bed in the morning and achieve their dreams and desires. To conquer their fears and keep going even when they feel like giving up. To see the value and freedom in being their own boss and not relying on someone else to make it for them. To understand that their are no 'jobs for life' any more and that the badge of Entrepreneur is one to wear with pride. To understand that the more money they earn, the more they can give away to others.
I am a Mother who would give anything in the world to be able to take them toy shopping every weekend and say "there you go kids, choose whatever you want, my treat!!!" To fly off to tropical destinations during every school holiday (including half-terms) just to have those memories of them playing in the sand. To buy them a pony after only a few weeks of lessons because they mentioned in passing that they wanted one. I want to have the resources to give them everything that they ask for, when they ask for it. Because I want to see the joy on their faces when it arrives.
I am a Mother who will never allow my children to see the troubles I go through. I will be that stoic matriarch who holds the family together and keeps a stiff upper lip throughout it all. They are children, for goodness sake, they don't need to know about all that 'grown up' stuff.
I am a Mother who has, on occasion, allowed her children to see her not coping. My children have seen me cry and have allowed me to hold them a little too tightly when I have been upset. My son knows when his mummy needs him because he grabs my face and forces me to look at him. My daughter knows when I need her because she rubs my back and strokes my hair as I blow my nose in to a tissue whilst I try to pretend that everything is OK.
I am a Mother who lost 2 babies before falling pregnant with twins. I tell my children a million times a day that they are loved, clever, funny, gorgeous, helpful, kind, strong, brilliant and very kissable. Building their confidence is very high on my list of things to do.
I am a Mother who recoils in horror if my children say or do something obnoxious, spoiled or bratty. And I correct it, there and then.
I am a Mother who is supremely confident in the job that she is doing. I got this thing licked.
I am a Mother who has absolutely no clue what she is doing. If anyone is going to screw their kids up it will undoubtedly be me.
I am THIS Mother and everything else that is contradictory when it applies to raising children. But my gut instinct tells me that my children will probably be OK in the long run. I am calm, at peace and hopeful.
Oh God, please let them be ok!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!
I am this Mother.