…and like that *snap* it can be over…..

…and like that snap it can be over…..

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…and like that *snap* it can be over…..

Robert and I hit a deer on Friday night. We were on our way out for some supper and driving along one of the most beautiful roads in the world. Suddenly we were both looking into the eyes of a deer who appeared in front of our car at the speed of light. I saw clear liquid splash across the windscreen and then my hands went up to my face and stayed there for a long time. I heard Robert exclaim “Oh God” as he held the car on a steady path until we could stop despite the deer taking most of the front of the car off, travelling over the top of the car and missing the windscreen, and us, by inches.

When the car came to a stop I felt Robert’s hand on my knee and then I just began to sob into my hands. Hard sobs that just took my breath away. It was too much to bear at that time. We both saw the deer and it’s beautiful face. What was it doing there? Why did it just appear in time to be hit by our car?

Our black Mini was still hissing by the side of the road and it had grown dark by the time we were picked up by an awesome man and his enormous flat bed truck. He told us that he had worked these roads for the best part of twenty years and that Robert and I had both gotten off very lightly. If it had hit the windscreen instead of bouncing over the top the story would have ended differently.

The next day, Saturday, Robert and I went to Winkworth Arboretum. We are members of the National Trust and have several beautiful spaces to visit right on our doorstep. The place was carpeted by bluebells and we observed the endangered (can you believe that!!!!) Honey Bee working hard as they always do. As we rambled across the acres we spoke about our near miss. We were still here. Together and safe. We couldn’t feel worse about killing an animal even though we know that, particularly on that stretch of road, it’s almost common place to see them leap out without looking and there was nothing that Robert could have done except keep the car on a steady path until being able to stop. Which he did and did magnificently. If I was driving I’m not sure how I would have done.

A near miss is the shake up that our soul needs from time to time. It forces us into the present and keeps us from dwelling in the past or looking too far ahead in to the future. My most common behaviour right now occurs when I’m with the twins.
Look at Truly. She’s dancing across the lawn exercising legs that are now carrying her from place to place after only being able to crawl. She’ll never be that age again and we’ll not get to witness her discover grass and mud after she’s discovered it for the first time.

And Daisy, there will come a time when her Mummy can’t tip her upside down and hear her roar with laughter. She’ll be too big and have other things to interest her. They won’t become any less joyful but this time won’t be here forever. So instead of watching them and holding them and praying into their hair for a baby of my own I’m enjoying them and my own circumstances right now, as the truth is I’m a very, very lucky person, and am now acutely aware of remembering that.

See you tomorrow.

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