Hello Meatballs

This week Robert the Husband and I felt we’d turned a corner in this pregnancy. On Monday we had the Anomaly Scan which takes place around this time and this meant that we got to see the Meatballs on the screen again. It was a detailed scan and one which took a while. We both kept our eyes on the screen and also on the one we called ‘Twin One’, while a whole list of body parts was read out and then announced as healthy and normal.

It seemed to take forever and then when eventually we felt the wave of relief that it was all OK I think we both realised simultaneously that we still had another baby to go. The second baby, the one we call ‘Twin Two’ was being a little frisky and flipped over on to its stomach just as the examination started. This meant that the heart couldn’t be seen properly. I was asked to turn on to my side to see if that would shift it all around and then I was told we had to go and walk up and down two flights of hospital stairs as this usually does the trick. By this point I think the adrenalin had kicked in and I would have kept climbing had Robert not reminded me that we were only required to climb two. But it worked and sure enough the baby had flipped and the heart was there for all to see and to be checked thoroughly. All was well.

We saw the bottom of two feet being held together and I suddenly realised that before long those two feet would be out in the world and I’d be putting very tiny pairs of socks on to them. Of course I’d also probably be kissing them a lot too as I love baby feet but for the first time after that scan had gone well I felt a greatly missed emotion …….excitement.

It took a few hours to kick in, perhaps even a couple of days now I come to think about it, until I recognised it but it’s there. Alongside the inevitable coming of Spring, which thrills me more than you know, is the inevitable coming of these two pairs of feet. That excites me FINALLY! It would also seem that this pregnancy has been textbook and is solid. But we’re so used to them not being this way that we have not yet been able to enjoy it. My sister had such a different experience with her pregnancy than I have had and I desperately wanted the joy of it all to arrive. So I think I made a choice to allow myself to feel it after Monday’s scan and have been rewarded with feelings of excitement. I attracted them to me.

The sickness has gone. The heartburn is under control. I am never shopping for pregnancy jeans again as even the biggest size is too small for me and I will keep my current bra as proof that I was once that size. We were told on Monday that each baby is the same size as a single baby would be at this stage so I now understand that I’m a little bigger than I thought I was in my head.

Night times are tricky as I’m not sleeping well at all and I still have a very full time job to do. I’m immensely privileged not to have to commute to my work even though the hours are longer than they would be if I were an employee and not an employer. But I’m working with it. If I wake in the night and I know I’m not going back to sleep I get up and do my emails. So if any of you happen to get an email from me at ridiculous o’clock you’ll know why.

Something else that is happening right now is that I am becoming much more connected to the fact that there are two lives growing inside of me and what that means. Robert and I know that we’re not here to impose our exact personalities on these two children but to guide them as best we can and an overwhelming feeling of gratitude comes with this responsibility. The upshot of this feeling is that I keep wanting to grow myself and learn more and more daily about this thing called life. So that if my grown kids ever do need my clear, considered and truthful advice I’ll have an idea of what to say to them.

Randy Pausch is my hero and if I could have his Last Lecture playing on a loop on the inside of my eyeballs I would have.

Here is a link to the Last Lecture in its entirety.

Here is a link to a ten minute version of the Last Lecture.

I am alive and have two whole and complete lives growing inside of me. I give thanks for Randy Pausch and the fact that he spent his last few months on this earth making the effort to speak so that folk like me know how precious and wonderful life can be and that if I have the privilege of being alive then I had better make it count.

We also learned something else on Monday …..

We’re having a boy and a girl.

We are blessed.

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Cherry Menlove

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