My Twin Pregnancy Diary – 26 Weeks

I had a dream on Friday night that was so vivid I can still remember how I felt in it.

I was walking along a street in a town just outside of Pasadena, California. I had shorts and a white t-shirt on and could feel the sun on my face. I was walking down to a coffee shop called Bean Town to get a fresh fruit smoothie. Something I always do when I visit this particular place. I felt very free, very light, very happy and totally peaceful.

And I wasn’t pregnant.

I remember thinking in the dream that it was odd that I was no longer pregnant as I couldn’t remember having the babies but I was so enjoying being free that I brushed this ‘small’ detail aside.

And then I woke up.

What followed was my first ever experience of an emotion that I’m sure will be with me a great deal over the next few years, Parental Guilt.

As soon as I woke up and realised that I was still pregnant in real life, but that in my dream I was happy being so free, I promptly burst in to tears. Great way to start the weekend but I couldn’t help it, I felt so utterly guilty.

Guilt is horrid. It’s very often unjustified and in some situations futile and a waste of time. Robert was awesome and told me that this was normal and that I should just enjoy the dream, enjoy the thought of one day going back to Bean Town for a smoothie and continue to look forward to the birth of the Meatballs.

I don’t do unnecessary guilt well and find it irritating. It’s a waste of energy and I need all the energy I can get right now as Little Girl Meatball (we think it’s her, poor love) is still sitting on the nerve traveling down my tummy and causing a great deal of pain.

Like many, many, many other mothers and mums – to – be I still have to work and will still have to work when my kids get here. My mum worked and her mum worked. It’s what we would have done as a family even if we owned half the land in West Sussex, it’s in us to work and we get up to too much mischief if we don’t. Jodie works, albeit for me, and has to leave her girls daily to come and do the amazing job she always does, day after day after day.

That will be me in a few months time, a working mum. I have commitments, bills to pay and a future that I want to build, along with my husband, for our family.

I also love what I do and know myself well enough to know that if I wasn’t doing it I would be a more miserable person. No fun at all.

So this guilt thing will have to be managed I think. I don’t think it can be eradicated but I’ll just have to keep an eye on it, do my best and stay strong. It’s something that I know millions of you feel and have to deal with every single day as you drop the kids off or leave them as you head out to work.

And as soon as these Meatballs are cooked you’ll have a brand new member just trying to do her best. I look forward to joining you and wouldn’t trade it for all the fresh fruit smoothies in the world.

Lots of love,
Cherry x

I’ll be back tomorrow with a post showing how I’ve decorated the entrance hall to my house for the upcoming Easter celebrations. Lots and lots of colour….oh, and flowers. Flowers, flowers, flowers. Be still my beating heart. See you then.

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Cherry Menlove