I’m loving all this so much. The contact, the knowing, the tiny moments that we have together.
It’s lovely in amongst all the busyness of packing and moving house to have stillness and cuddles and moments of wet hair straight from the bath resting on my cheek. She speaks out to the garden when we sit like this. I have no idea what she is saying but she’s telling it something awfully important.
When the weather is sunny it is always shining in to the bathroom at this time of the day. This means that I get to take my daughter through very simple but precious moments of allowing the sun to help dry her off after she has come out of the bath.
She’s happy to sit there for ages and ages. And on the weekend when Robert is there to take care of Ned I’m happy to let her. Anaïs appears to thrive on affection. She loves her morning back rubs and her head strokes last thing at night. She gets excited as I wrap her up in her blanket when she’s in bed and can regularly be found waving to us from across the other side of the room.
I worry for her because she is a girl and girls can have a hard time. I know this because I too am a girl.
And at the tender age of ten months she has no idea that when I watch her sleep I am trying desperately to figure out how I can help her navigate life without too much damage. I’m only ten months in to this journey myself so I don’t expect to have it all figured out already. In fact I know deep down that I’ll never have it all figured out.
But God loves a trier, no?
Tina Fey summed it up for me when I saw this posted on Jennifer Ehle’s twitter feed this weekend. I love both of those women. Both have daughters, both have careers and both are human.
Over to you Tina, I can’t improve on this, the grape line got me big time!!!
First, Lord:
No tattoos.
May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
May she be beautiful but not damaged, for it’s the damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half and stick with Beer.
Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.
Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes and not have to wear high heels.
What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design?
I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.
May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her own heart with the sinewy strength of her own arms, so she need not lie with drummers.
Grant her a rough patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day –
And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.
O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers and the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a ‘Bitch’ in front of Hollister, give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, for I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.
And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.
“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a mental note to call me.
And she will forget.
But I’ll know, because I peeped it with your God eyes.
Amen.
Taken from Tina Fey’s book Bossypants.
Tell me today, as I need to hear it, what would your prayer be? Make them funny, make them earnest, make them stupid, make them serious. Whether you have children or grandchildren, are pregnant or still waiting. I trust that we can put our requests in and they will be heard by whatever it is we believe in. We’re all in this together and I need to know that I am not alone.
I love you
Cherry x
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…And remeber to always, ALWAYS tell your daughters how they are individuals and that the school system with its directives on what is the right level of achievemnet at any given age is bumkum. We all learn different respond different , behave differently. Given love we will all be citizens worthy to breathe the air and take in the beauty and love the life that God intended for us. We are all worthy..
love cherry (as in craftycherry) and Yes I have just had this discussion after parent teacher interviews to my two beautiful, blessed and gorgeous daughters.
You made me cry with the Tina Fey piece. I can so relate to it all. That’s brilliant. xx
I agree with JoSue, you are the guide to Anais. Don´t be afraid for the future, your daughter will learn what you teach her. Be her friend all the time. Of course you will be her mother but if you teach her family values and love your daughter will grow up with those “rules”.
I have Maria who is 15 (almost 16) and she is a wonderful, confident, intellligent, funny little lady that is growing soon to be an adult and has all the backup her father and I have taught her. Of course this is one day at a time but we think we are in the correct direction. I remember when my children were like yours and I had the same thoughts like you, think about your mother and the fine job she did. Be confident and don´t forget little Ned. Boys also need a lot their mum!!!!!!
Cherry my sweet you forget one very important think. Your wonderful girl has a wonderful mummy, who will be her guide, protector and role model.
sorry for my awful typos again ladies… that was meant to be
‘heart hug’ not ‘hear thug’!
and ‘because’ not ‘baucsue’ later on
k xx
Aww Cherry – thank you for sharing the words from Tina and the beautiful photos of you two girls…
Just so wonderful xxx
A smile, a tear and a hear thug from your replies ladies, especially Lisa.. that is so going to be me in 12 years time! You were very brave and I salute you!
I always say that if I can get my little CH to 21 without being in therapy I’ve done a good job! LOL.
My wish is essentially the same as those before me… I want her to take risks (but safe ones) and feel like she’s ‘lived’ before she settles down, not to regret anything, to feels fulfilled and confident to do and try anything she wishes knowing she has a forever safe home to catch her if she needs to be caught.
My arms and heart will be forever open to and baucsue of her… simply she is my love and my life.
with love to my mother and all loving mothers out there you are the BEST!
K xx
I never pray for patience, for I know God will test me there. I pray for wisdom and to love them when they are being very unlovable. I pray for me to always be one step ahead of anything they may try to pull, and that they’ll always know they can come to me and receive unconditional love and support.
Awww, such a sweet post! My prayer for my children is always very simple! “Please God help me catch them when they are doing something wrong, so that I have the opportunity to teach them the right way.” Of course, I also pray for health, happiness, and productiveness, but it seems to me that God is very good at answering this prayer best of all. I am given lots of opportunities to correct their behavior!
Children and grandchildren bring such richness to the heart. I’ve been on a tear searching through boxes and found a stash of pictures of my then young son and daughter along with his very first bow tie and tie, letters to Santa Claus, pictures drawn in school, her journal at the tender age of eleven where evidently she was not very happy from moving across country, a picture of my son with shaving cream on his face and his dad’s razor without the blade happily shaving away at the age of three. I never felt like I could take credit for my children. They came into the world and I knew I was in better company of smarter intellects. They pushed me, not by choice, into situations where I had to pull up my boot straps and find answers to seemingly impossible situations. And that taught me never to give up where my children were concerned. For me, even to this day, it’s about protecting the child’s individuality while they go through the education system and surrounding them with professionals who try their best to do that. If there’s one thing I could change, it would be to trust my gut instinct implicitly. Even when people are smiling at you, if your gut feels funny, listen. Somehow, everything works out in the end. My daughter told me recently that she wants her house to be like mine and her grandparents; open anytime day or night. Learning to train and ride horses taught her more about standing up for herself and how to deal with difficult people in business. Natural horsemanship is an amazing teacher. Karate taught my son the same thing; the communication skills are his default in tricky business situations. The biggest compliment I’ve ever received from a friend was her saying that both my twenty something children have great hearts.
Love your blog, Cherry!
Very sweet prayers for our children. I would add for my boys, “Please God, help them to be strong and brave enough to always follow their heart, ever guided by your still quiet voice.”
Mandy
(PS for April: Praying for you and your children. Hoping your doc appt went well.)
I too, am praying for my 4 girls and 1 boy. right now I’m praying that I get to live long enough to see them grow up and have children of their own. Right at my 2 year cancer free appt, the doc thought she felt something, so I am scheduled for an MRI straightaway on friday. I’m thinking the worst hoping for the best, and praying that if the worst happens, that my kids will never turn away from God and their Savior Jesus, no matter how mad they may get. I’m praying that I get to be with them in heaven someday, but not anytime real soon. Now this sounds like a lot of gloom and doom and to be honest I’m pretty worried, but it is so important that they stay on the “narrow path”. And I will go through this a million times over if I could have the assurance that none of my kids will ever get cancer or anything like it. As long as I have the assurance of our salvation through Jesus, I know it will be ok, so I’m praying for all of the kiddos to have that assurance and keep their childlike faith for keeps
Hi Cherry,
Being the mother of 3 young girls, i want the world for them, (like im not the only one who doesnt wish this for their children!). I could go on for an age listing everything, so I will keep it short – I wish them to be blessed through their life with good friends, REALLY GOOD friends and family and whatever life throws at them, this will help them through. I LOVE LOVE my girls xxxxxxxxxxxxx.
My oldest two are teens and we have *really* been through the mill. Here is an open letter to my son: http://bit.ly/g0lW44
It’s much easier when they are babies. Savour every moment.
Oh Cherry, your post has made me cry today! I remember when my mum used to think this way about me. She is suffering with a mental illness now and sometimes can be quite nasty to me at times, i try and remember her as she was – its not always easy. Shes still in there somewhere. One day when I have a daughter (still a little young to be planning a family just yet at 23) I will do all the things with her that i remember doing with my mum – baking bread and snuggling up to watch films in the school holidays with the curtains closed and lots of popcorn.
My one prayer today after reading this would be to have my mum back. I miss her. I know shes still in there somewhere and sometimes it comes to the surface and I catch a glimpse and its those glimpses I now cherish.
Sorry for the downbeat post Cherry. Yours was wonderful and although it made me cry, it made me happy to just sit and remember when I was thought of like that. Thank you.
I always confuse Menthol Crystals with Crystal Meth and with sinuses that often need a good clear out from Menthol Crystals you can imagine the looks the pharmacists give me when I ask for Crystal meth…
I hope my precious boys stick to beer too when they’re older if faced with a choice between CM and beer. xx
Lovely post… I’m glad you get such sweet moments together!
Um, as for my prayer, let me think:
As I await the arrival of my first and most likely only child, my mind is full of doubts and fears as well as the hopes and dreams I have for our future together. May I always be blessed enough to know that no matter how many mistakes I make, the love I have for my child will overcome whatever we must face together and apart.
May I have the strength and courage to overcome my own insecurities, so that I can show my child how to live life with confidence and conviction. Yet may I remain forever humble enough to pass on the message that love comes first, and no matter what someone else does, the best thing we can do is see the hurt and pain that has caused them to treat us badly, rather than adding to it.
May I have the wisdom and strength of my father, to always know that life is hard and my child will make many mistakes. However much this hurts, may I remember that making mistakes is a part of life and makes us into the adults we long to be. May my child always know that their life is their own, but that I will be there to catch them when they fall and help them pick up the pieces of a broken heart, no matter how many times it happens.
I would ask you to keep my child from harm, for I’d rather suffer myself than know his or her pain, but I know that such a thing is impossible. So please, watch over my child and direct him or her on the path they have chosen and give them the strength and courage to overcome whatever obstacles may be in their way.
And help me, when life gets tough, not to scream and shout and blame you for the pain. Remind me that both light and dark have a part to play and guide me to focus on the light. Don’t let me wallow in self-pity or anger towards anyone or anything that harms my child, but help me to see what I need to do to heal his or her hurt and bring him or her back into the light.
More than anything, help me to nurture my child to become the person that he or she is destined to be, without placing too much of my own expectation and pride upon his or her shoulders. For nothing would please me more, than to see my child grow and follow his or her own heart without ever once feeling the need for my approval.
Dearest Cherry, so wonderful to see the gorgeous happy pictures of you and Anais enjoying each other & life!
It seems that I will never, now, be a mother as I so wanted and I have to find a way to accept that. But today, I became a Step-Grandma! Paul’s daughter had a little girl at 4.50am. I’m so lucky to have children in my life at least, who I can borrow and spoil & squish for a while before I have to return them! If I’d had my little girl…and my wish for all little girls…is that they know how precious they are, how loved they are, and how special they are – even without trying. I wish them pride in themselves and the knowledge that they are good enough, whatever they’re told.That life gets better as you grow, that spots and periods and broken hearts aren’t the end of the world. And to take every opportunity that’s offered and create some as well.Live life, take care, don’t be afraid and BE HAPPY! Your children are blessed to have a mother who cares so much about all these things. Happy week xoxo
I totally understand your prayers….I have been there! As For Tina, well she is funny but I guess I am old school. Somehow cuss words and a prayer to God just does not seem to go hand in hand. I know that we should be our self but being on our best behavior out of respect for our God is first for me….please note this is my opinion. You are precious, yourself, your husband and our twins…such a joy to see your posts!
God Bless!
Pamie G.
I don’t spend long enough thinking about these things. I should make the time. Thank you for encouraging me.
Loved this post today
Tina Fey cracks me up! xx
Loved this post Cherry.
I had a child over from a roof constructor the other day (and this man was well hard). I made everyone sandwiches and drinks. When I gave the sandwiches to the roof constructor’s child (male, 11 years old) he said: “thank you for this sandwich” and I almost cried. I’d be so proud as an aspiring mother if my children would say “thank you” not because someone told them to but out of their own good hearts. You know what the boy did after he finished his sandwich? He wiped away the crumbs he made on the chair he sat on …. sigh. If I could order a child like that, I do it in a heartbeat ;o)
Oh Cherry – how true are all the words written in your post today….I have a daughter of 16 1/2 and a son of 14. Of course I love them both equally and would not only die for them but kill for them too. My son though, it has to be said is so much easier than my daughter. When she asked if she could catch the train with her friends into our nearest city (Birmingham), I literally cried!! I knew the time had come to let her, but with every atom of my being I didn’t want to…..
Me: “What if you get the wrong train home”? – Chloe: “Muuummm I won’t, I’m 16″
Me: “What if you fall under the train?” – Chloe: “Muuummm!!! Don’t be stupid”
Me: “What if someone attacks you?” – Chloe: “Muumm for God’s sake”!!
Me: “Promise you wont make eye contact with anyone?” Chloe: “This is ridiculous!!Ok. I won’t make eye contact with anyone”!!
Me: Text me when you’re on the train, when you’re off the train, when you’re back on it and lots of times in between?” Chloe: “OK”!!
Me now crying: “I hate it”!! Chloe: “I know Mum, don’t cry, I’ll be ok, promise”!!
Me: sniff, sniff!!
Anyway, long post but she was ok, and has been back on the train since and has even got the wrong train home and that was also ok and sorted.
I’m afraid they simply refuse to be kept swathed in this cotton wool that we would happily buy by the tonne if the’d only let us!!
And according to my 62 year old Mum – you NEVER stop worrying!!
Lovely post as usual Cherry!!
Lisa xx
Cherry, this has made me cry! I am 8 days beyond my due date with our little bundle of baby. Thank you for sharing those lovely words. xx
Let them be beautiful, but not too beautiful for they will be samrt also and it’s hard to be smart and very beautiful.
Let them love their body. Let them like to cherish the cuddles and back massages and foot rubs their parents give them, so that they don’t need to seek tenderness somewhere else too early.
Let them realize their own worth and preciousness. Let them realize what and when to give to whom, at the right time, to the right person. Let it be someone who cares for them.
Let them find their way without worrying about if it would be different if they weren’t girls.
I have two girls (16 and 11 years old) – and a son, too (five years)!
I just want my little sweet pea to grow up safe and happy, and to love me always! I want to be like Lorelei and Rory in the Gilmore girls.
I was reading this and smiling, trying to blink away a tear or two, when my peace was shattered by a yell of ‘Muuuuuuuuum, I can’t do it’. the little lady was struggling to dress up as a pumpkin.
Long may that be the case, that she needs her mummy to help her dress as a pumpkin!
x
I want to be like Lorelei and Rory too
Me Too!