Hello.
The news is that Robert has made progress since I last checked in with you all. Where he was once on bed rest now he can sit in a chair. Where he was once white, grey and yellow in tone now there are signs of pink in his cheeks and lips. He eats toast and the occasional chocolate. We even SKYPED yesterday, what a miracle SKYPE is.
Due to some serious complications with his spleen and the internal bleeding he’s not where we want him to be and he’s not where he should be.
But that’s just the way it is.
I was thinking about him yesterday when I was at home in the evening and my overriding thought was that this would change him as a person from the inside out. Just think of the confidence that beating Leukemia could bring a person. I just felt that he will have such a terrific insight in to life and love and the world and this sort of deep knowledge will be so precious to pass on to the kids.
Right now he can be a bit grouchy because he’s been stuck in a room for two weeks attached to a drip and throwing up from all the drugs but it could be worse. It could be a lot worse. As far as Cancer goes my belief is that we have gotten off lightly and I try to remember that when I’m nearly falling asleep at the wheel of the car on the way back from the hospital and the Starbucks isn’t even touching the sides. And when the hospital door closes behind me and I have to walk down the hall leaving him there on the bed when he really should be at home with me and the babies and not missing the Summer.
And even when silly things happen like one of the kids won’t go in to their car seat and they start to do that back arching thing that all kids do. Man, that gets me so frustrated and it is all I can do to stay really calm and gentle while I maneuver them in to the seats and strap them in so that they are safe. They have no idea whats going on, thank goodness, but it’s at times like that when you feel most alone even if you have people with you trying to help.
Where’s Robert?
That’s what I think at those times.
I need Robert. I need to look up at the clock at 6.55pm and think “ah, he’ll be walking in the door in twenty minutes”.
Moaning about the train but telling me he’s pleased to be home.
Nipping upstairs to take off his suit and then coming back down and asking me what I feel like doing that evening.
I just miss him so much.
The little things.
The normal things that I hadn’t even noticed until they weren’t there.
He hadn’t seen the twins in nearly two weeks so on Sunday we paid him a visit. They were so great in the hospital room. SO great. They pottered and played and chatted to Robert as he watched them from on high, laying on his bed.
Anaïs even got in to a box for him. It made her so happy to be in that box. And of course seeing that joy made us really happy.
It’s the little things right now. It’s the little things right now. It’s the little things right now. It’s the little things right now.
And then Ned, who is obsessed with wheels, found his way over to his daddy’s drip and began to pull it along. This wasn’t super helpful as, unbeknownst to Ned, the drip is still attached to his father but he understood when I pulled him off….sorta!
I took this at 05.14am yesterday morning. I had another trip to London to make and wanted to miss the rush hour traffic. Look at the sun coming up over the fields next to the wee hamlet in which we now live. I got to witness that yesterday. I got to know deep in my heart that no matter what happens the sun will always rise over a new day and that in itself is a miracle.
Robert’s consultant said something the other day when she was in with us that has stayed with me. She was talking about the body and the functions of the blood and how it needs to be doing a certain job to keep us well and healthy and she was basically taking us through the mechanics of it all.
And at the end of it, when we were marveling at how complex it all was, she looked at us and said “Well quite, it is complex. It is miraculous. I don’t know why people insist on looking for miracles when life itself is the miracle”
If there was anything that we needed to hear it was that. Of course, life is the miracle. We have our lives, even though Robert is sick, he is still here. We have our lives. That whole concept has hit me like ton of bricks and I never want to forget it.
He will be OK, he will live, and I can handle the rest.
I’m a mummy, I can handle anything.
Thank you so much for reading and for your messages. I’ve been able to type off responses to some of them if my iPhone has been in my hand and I’ve not been driving.
I love you. I really, really love you. Because through your comments and prayers and thoughts you have loved me and my family and there can’t be a price put on that. It’s miraculous.
Cherry x
To read other up-dates on Robert, click on the links below.
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I’ve been thinking of you all week and was really pleased to see your post today. I’m glad Robert is getting better and I’ll continue to think positive thoughts for you all xxx
Dear Cherry read this and thought of you…
TO BELIEVE – (Author Unknown)
To believe is to know that every day is a new beginning.
It is to trust that miracles happen,
and dreams really do come true.
To believe is to see angels dancing among the clouds,
To know the wonder of a stardust sky
and the wisdom of the man in the moon.
To believe is to know the value of a nurturing heart,
The innocence of a child’s eyes
and the beauty of an aging hand,
for it is through their teachings we learn to love.
To believe is to find the strength
and courage that lies within us.
When it is time to pick up the pieces and begin again.
To believe is to know we are not alone,
That life is a gift and this is our time to cherish it.
To believe is to know that wonderful surprises
are just waiting to happen,
And all our hopes and dreams are within reach.
If only we believe.
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With much love and prayers, Freda xxxx
Thank you for taking the time to update, I’ve been keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I know you are having such a tough time but I admire your strength and positive outlook. I look at my children daily and truly believe its a miracle we are all here, no one tells the body what to do – it just does it. Keep going on this journey, keeping you in my thoughts, with love x
Thank you for the update Cherry and I’m glad to hear Robert is making progress if somewhat slower than you had hoped. Having spent time in hospital away from my kids and loved ones he has my utmost sympathy as he must be desperately missing all of you.
You managed to say everything so beautifully – you are such a great writer you know! And I couldn’t agree with you more. I truly do believe that every new day is a gift that should not be wasted. Even the mundane stuff, the chores and the troubles are part of that gift. Life is indeed the miracle.
I have been thining about you all everyday, hoping and praying that Robert is getting better – and I’m so glad to hear that he has improved! I can’t imagine how difficult this must be to cope with
Love and hugs, Gillian xoxo
That’s right, Cherry, mummies rule !!! Some more of that hope coming your way. Keep your chin up love, God and the world move in mysterious ways xx
Cherry,
I’ve checked your site many times this morning and was so worried when I didn’t see a new post. I’ve just checked now on the off-chance and my heart lifted when I saw your new post. Thinking about you all and sending positive vibes all the way. Life is indeed a miracle. Hold on to that thought. I was teaching my A’level class a Tennyson poem (“Ulysses”) the other day and as I read these lines I immediately thought of you:
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
I know you are strong in will and will never, ever yield. Stay strong.
CJ x
It is so true, we do not value the normal everyday routine until it is taken from us. To be alive and to get through the day is more than many have.
Cherry, you are in our thoughts and prayers as you continue to go through this very hard time. I know you have family around you and in that you are blessed. Take time to take care of yourself as well as the darling babies.
Thank goodness for an update. The words of the consultant will stick in my mind today when I get so fed up with the silliest of things. Warm wishes to you and Robert and the children. XX
Where have I been? Wrapped up in my own coccoon not noticing that someone who lets me into their life on a daily basis was suffering.
Cherry, so sorry to hear Robert’s not well. Positive vibes your way. It’s going to be hard but you can do it. We’re here to offer enouragement. I’m pretty sure if you shout for help, you’ll have a legion of helpers. An Army of support.
xx
How is it possible to care so much for people you have never met? Let me correct that, only met through the internet? That’s sort of miraculous too, that complete strangers could form a bond, and feel your pain, and wish and pray oh so much, that all will be well for you.You are doing an amazing job, holding down the fort, and keeping us updated. Quite heroic, although I’m sure you dont think of yourself that way.
Hey hun,
!! ) will of been a great blessing for Robert and will help him on his road to recovery.
I have been thinking about you all everyday and hoping that you have some good news, to know that your Robert is slightly better is wonderful, and I’m sure that seeing you on Sunday with your little Darlings (even Darlings that arch their backs when trying to get them in the car
I don’t know if you remember but my Dad had Cancer of the bladder after we moved to Collier Row all those years ago and he was very ill and had to have radiotherapy and was not given the greatest outlooks at the time, thinking back it was nearly 30 years ago now and the knowledge back then about cancer was nothing like they know now. As you know my Dad is here today is well, he fought the Cancer and is a surviver
My Mum had to cope with all the travelling up to London and had us three kids to handle and I’m sure the church helped and remember Neil and Marylin helping us a lot but I’m sure like you are feeling she felt so alone not having her hubby with her, but Cherry you are a strong women, mother and friend, and I’m praying that he will better and be home with you all soon x x
I’m here for ya hun if you need x x x
Emma x x x x x x x x
Hang in there, you are all doing so amazingly well, praying for peace, endless energy and continued progress. Lots of love
Dear Cherry
I have been checking in each day hoping for news so it’s so lovely to hear from you (even though your words almost brought me to tears).
Please know that we are all thinking of you, I will be going about my normal routine when suddenly you pop into my head and once more I send {{{{healing vibes}}}} and ((((hugs)))).
Remember that you are a miracle too, a wonderful mother and wife – the constant in those beautiful babies lives. Remember that and try and take care of yourself as well as everybody else….
love,
S x
It is the little things that you miss. I agree.
It really breaks my heart that you are going through this, but you will get through it and come out the other side.
I’m sending you all my positive thoughts, and hope that Robert will be out of hospital soon.
And those tough mummy moments when children are being tricky and patience is lost – it happens to us all. Even more so when we’re dealing with it on our own, and want to shout ‘what about me? when does anyone think about me?’. Makes us feel bad afterwards, but we’re only human. Mummying is a difficult job. Long hours, no breaks, and no pay. We’re paid in love and that’s why we do it
I’m rambling. Hope the one message that gets through is that I am thinking about you and your family, and your children.
xx
good of you to update us.your babies are precious and innocent to all that is going on around them.they are loved and thats so important.i have been a foster and adoptive parent for many years and have seen lots of sadness in little faces .your babies look so joyful .i wish you all well in the future and hope Robert starts to feel better so soon.
Cherry – So glad to hear he’s doing better. All the luck, love and positivity. Brittany xxx
Beautiful and inspiring post Cherry. I just know Robert will get better and this terrible time will be just a small part of the rich and happy life you will all have. A beautiful sunrise or sunset does seem to put the world right. Your positivity is amazing. Best wishes to you all x
Hi Cherry,
What a poignant post given the dreadful circumstances in which you are now faced. I’d not had a chance to check in to your blog for some weeks now, and to just read your ‘Family News’ post shocked me so much. My thoughts and love go to you and yours right now, I wish Robert a full and speedy and healthy recovery and a speedy recovery for you all as a family from this.
K x
All my love and prayers to you and Robert and the babies!
Oh Cherry, I am so glad to hear that Robert is doing better than he was, even though I know you still have a long way to go, every little step forwards is so amazing!
I’ve been thinking about you all several times a day and hoping and praying for you all. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through, so cannot really say much of worth, but please know I am sending my love every day to you, Robert and the twins.
I have been so worried about you all Cherry, so pleased to hear from you. Having been through a similar journey I can tell you that you DO become stronger, more appreciative of life and, like I tell my son enjoy the normality of daily life, routine is missed once its gone, you will survive this with the love and support of your family and friends.
Love and healing kisses,
My heart goes out to you, Cherry. I’m so glad Robert is improving and that you are both managing to stay positive. My mum is fighting cancer too at the moment and I wish deeply she had an ounce of your positivity. Be strong, and those beautiful babies of yours will barely remember this when their dad is teaching them to drive!
x
Thank you for keeping us up to date, You both have been in my thoughts. Really am so pleased to read life is on the up.
oh Cherry! my heart just aches for you all. I guess it’s just one foot in front of the other time and keep going, just keep going! Those babies are such a joy to look at and Robert and you are in every little cell of their bodies. Life is indeed the miracle. In a way isn’t it the great tragedy of life that we often forget? And yes, these experiences change us and often for the better if we choose them to and I am sure you and Robert will. And that is also a miracle, that such good and strength can come from such a shitty shitty situation. Much much love and squeezy hugs to you all xxxx
All my love to you and the family. You are amazing people and this is just a little bump in the road. You are right. Robert will come out stronger, you all will. So much positive thoughts coming your way xxx
Thank you for the update Cherry. Been checking in everyday. Lots of love to you all. xx