I grew up on a street, a suburban street, in a house with a garden. When it snowed all the kids on our street would get their sledges out and sledge down the hill we lived on. It wasn’t a steep hill but just steep enough to pick up some speed and steep enough for fairly young children. However if we wanted a more exciting ride we had to make our way to the park. At the park was a huge hill and it was full of children, parents and sledges from very early on a Sunday morning should it have snowed overnight on Saturday. I knew nothing about country life or open spaces growing up. We made do with a back garden, trips to the park and an annual holiday to the beach. We were happy, we used our imagination when we played, but I did find myself longing for another environment whenever I read any of the Famous Five books. It was an environment I knew nothing about and had never really experienced. I longed in my childish heart to live in the places I would read about. I had no idea that nearly every other child in history had experienced the same longing when they read even it was for something different to me. I think I would have appreciated growing up in the country but I’ll never know.
Which is why, when I stand behind my children and see what they see, I feel as if all that longing as a child, in my bedroom alone with my books, was for a reason.
They say you shouldn’t live your life through you kids and I agree with that to an extent. You’ll not find me going to pubs or clubs with them when they are teenagers for instance but if they wanted to join Robert and I for supper at a great restaurant or an opening night at the Royal Court they are more than welcome.
But this weekend I unashamedly found myself trying to imagine what it was like to be them growing up in the environment that they find themselves in. Because this was the environment I had dreamt of.
I have no idea exactly how Robert and I got here. Looking back we must have both been on a very similar path when we joined forces and those deep desires have led us to live out here in West Sussex. But one of the side effects of this hidden drive and desire is that we get to see our children experiencing freedom in the outdoors. And it brings such deep joy to me that it is worth having to wait until I’m 36 years old to see it.
Of course our kids will have dreams of their own, we understand that as parents. We certainly don’t want them to have our dreams that would be awful. But we do want them to know desire and envision a big life and understand that dreams are not a gift, given to you, but a journey that a person has to take, with all the twists and turns in the road that your dream presents you with.
My daughter may not grow up wanting to see the open sky more than anything else in the whole wide world, that was my dream, but she may have something she wants to do and contribute to so much that she dedicates her life to it.
I think what I’m trying to say is that I look at our kids and I think they are very lucky and very fortunate and occasionally it worries me because Robert and I know that there is absolutely nothing better than having a dream and finding ways to make that dream a reality. How does one instill a work ethic when one has so much?
I remember seeing a doll in a shop when I was not even five years old. It was a huge doll and stood nearly as tall as me. I begged my mum for that doll and she said that I could have it but it would take her a while to pay for it. Each and every week we went in to that little toy shop and paid a little bit more for it until one day I got to take it home. I loved that doll, I appreciated it and when I lost one of her shoes in the dentist’s waiting room I didn’t even cry I was so upset. I just remained rather stunned for days.
Waiting for that doll was an amazing lesson in delaying gratification.
The other day when I was in the supermarket with my twins they let rip with screams that could be heard all over the store. I grabbed two toy phones off the shelf and gave them one each. I paid for them with my shopping and now those phones sit in the toy box. Hmmmmmm, you can see what I’m saying.
My husband and I have a job to do raising them, as every other parent before us has had. No different really just a different set of problems and we’ll get there if we pay attention and relish the task. Which we do.
These are just thoughts today. Thoughts that I find good to bash out on to the keyboard. That’s OK I think, it’s always OK to examine dreams and desires when you have children because one day you may be called upon to guide them through theirs and I want to be as ready as I can be.
I love you and thank you for reading
Cherry x
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As a child who grew up in a sprawling urban mass (Luton, to be precise) but now has her home in semi-rural Gloucestershire (Forest of Dean) I can totally identify with you. My favourite book as a child was ‘Children of Cherry Tree Farm’ and I longed to be able to spend summer days romping through the woods, watching the wildlife… Now we have a beautiful forest on our doorstep and I hope my Little Man grows up to appreciate just how special it is!
ps – your littlies are looking proper grown-up all of a sudden. Isn’t it funny how they do that?
Ahhhh, now here I really can identify, for both ideas: the move and instant gratification. The latter is a hard one, especially when they are so little. In time though they will learn to wait, given a willing teacher.
We lived in the city centre (Sheffield to be precise) for a long time, 11 years in fact. We had a child and grew to love the parks and friends we made, the museums, the trams, trains, buses. But we yearned, deeply, for space and light and small schools where a child was more than a number. We spoke about moving, endlessly, to France, South Africa, Norfolk, but never took the leap. Then we took a holiday in Shropshire, with another little baby to join our family and as I lay back on the trampoline in a garden the size of which we could never have in a city, I looked at my husband and asked him why we were stalling. What did we have to lose? Why not rent somewhere for a year, maybe two and if our hearts really weren’t in it, then we’d move back to the city. That was August 2010 and by December 2010 we had taken that leap. We’re renting a large farmhouse in Shropshire; we are surrounded by 50 acres of land but only a mile from the village (and a great school where our eldest starts primary in September) and 3/4 of a mile from the main road. I watch our eldest with pleasure, as he ventures outside and slowly learns to extend his walk from home. No cars to worry about, just pure exploration. The tree for learning to climb; the puddles to jump in; the garden to tend; the woods to build dens in; bramble hedges, apple trees and the secret plum tree we chanced upon. At night we have an endless sky, brimful with stars and as far as the eye can see, not a streetlight. Since we moved we have also not had TV; our lives are full enough for now. We have a set and watch DVD’s but we have no analogue or digital feed. I guess the internet is a saving grace!
Soon the house comes up for sale – let’s all cross fingers that our efforts in saving will allow us to buy this heaven (and the 1.5 acres next door!).
So happy that you and your husband are able to live your dream! I know what you mean about wide open spaces and a chance for children to explore the country around them without fear. I consider myself very fortunate to have been able to visit my grandparents country home almost every weekend while growing up. The memories made are priceless. I grew up in suburbia, and the peace that the country offered was just lovely. My grandparents died long ago and we now have the home and it’s 200 acres. My children love the place as well. It’s nice to come together and shut out the world and it’s influences for a bit. Your children are growing beautifully!
First and foremost – sympathies to you and your family over your loss Lydia. Take care x
Getting on my soapbox, I do think that’s where parents go wrong these days as kids get what they want almost instantly. Well, that’s the popular version of society we’re presented with. Child wants a new mobile phone; child gets one. So many of my daughter’s friends, who are 13, have Blackberry phones for instance and barely have their phones for more than a year. What are they to hope for? What can they dream about doing/seeing/having? Hopes, dreams and wishes are vital for kids and us. Get them to wait for their birthday/Christmas; get them to save their pocket money; get them to do chores to help them get closer to their goal. Some people will think I’m a tyrant now but I’m far from it and my daughter is proof of that.
It’s a subject I feel so strongly about, so I’m very glad that you’ve expressed concern over these issues too Cherry. Thanks for putting it so eloquently and with such lovely photos.
We moved 2 years ago to the country and I can’t say I didn’t have niggly feelings of ‘was this the right move?’. But now I know it was the best decision we have ever made. Our children just have so much freedom. They can roam about and I know they are safe. They take little picnics up the hill behind the house and think they are going on an expedition. Our first 2 months here in the summer hols, we didn’t even get round to putting a tv aerial up as we were outside all day. Your two will have a wonderful childhood in the country!
I loved seeing your little ones tramping through the fields. With that in mind, I think the sky can be their limit, and still be grounded because of what is important and how you convey it to them. I can laugh now at the screaming kids shopping with their moms because I am past it, but at the time it was not fun.♥♫
After I posted I saw Lydia’s comment on her sad loss. Sending love at a difficult time. A vitual hug. Jo x
Cherry,
I love reading your posts like this where you open up your heart and get your feelings down here. I too am always aware that I want a ‘big life’ for my family- my husband and my children. I too have had an experience of illness with a loved one which has made me try to relish every moment, even the quiet ones, the sad ones and the monotonous ones- its all there though- life! You are very lucky to have ended up where you are and from what I can see its love and hard, hard work that has got you exactly where you wanted to be, very well done, Jo xx
lovely post Cherry…..keep that ‘phone buying’ remembrance in your head for always. My oldest daughter continues to do this with her two children; they have NO appreciation of things and I, as their grandma, cannot surprise them with anything since they have EVERYTHING….and it breaks my heart…..she and her husband work SO HARD and to throw it away on this and that which is NOT important is such a waste…
It is in these moments, of spending time with them, taking them outdoors, letting them appreciate a sunrise and a sunset and a garden and freshly made bread, THOSE gifts are priceless.
xo
Joann
Lovely Cherry: I’d like to say a lot, but my english is poor, so I have to resume. Your thoughts today are like a treasure to me and I love that you share them with all of us. I’d like to tell you in more than a few words, how your experiences touched my heart. But, you see, I only can write THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
Cherry *hug* I do believe that no matter how lucky any one person is, there will always be things they long for. Just because the twins may have a great life, doesn’t mean they won’t know how to appreciate it and learn to work hard for the dreams they hold so dear. Having you and Robert to show them how it is done is the greatest lesson they will ever have. We learn so much from our parents (just look at how easy it is for a child to “learn” a fear by watching the way his or her parents act. The same is true for positive aspects in life, like passion and drive, it’s just we don’t always recognise this as easily as we do the negatives!)
I was very lucky as a child. We weren’t rich, but we had a comfortable life. Far more comfortable than my husband and I have right now. And yet I still had (and still have) dreams for a “better” life, not better as in more comfortable but better as in more attuned to who I am and what I want from life. My parents encouraged us to have our dreams and work towards them and that is one of the greatest lessons in my life. The other lesson was that my parents would never, ever let me “go without” but if I wanted something special then I would have to either wait for Christmas (and sometimes get my grandparents to contribute to the cost if it was bigger than the budget my parents set rather than getting separate presents from them) or I had to save my pocket money and any I earned from babysitting and odd jobs to get it any earlier. They could have bought most of these things for me “just like that”, but they didn’t. They still surprised us with odd treats and even today I still feel hugely special and grateful when my mum turns up with something she has seen and thought I’d like, because of how they brought us up.
You can give your twins the most beautiful life, and treat them in ways that you were never able to have as a child yourself, yet they will still grow up with that work ethic and ability to dream if you encourage that part of them to grow
Then they will have the best of both worlds xx
It’s often true that people want what they can’t or don’t have. I imagine many people who grow up in cities would love to either live by the sea or out in the country, and often people who grow up in the country long for the hustle and bustle of the big smoke. I think in a lifetime there’s a place for both. I have grown up in a city, now live on the outskirts, and recognise myself as ‘a townie’ (NOT to be confused with TOWIE – lol!). I am lucky that the city I live in is by the sea, so to some extent I have the best of both worlds. That doesn’t mean to say though that I don’t love spending time in the country – I think it’s all about the contrast and spending time in each helps you appreciate the other. You can find big skies, wonderful views and the beauty of nature everywhere, city, country and seaside alike – it’s just about taking the time to really look.
I love the composition of your photos Cherry – particularly the one of Anais in the field with her hood up – it makes her look like such a little person in a big wide world – which of course, I suppose, we all are.
Have a lovely week and take care, Bex.x
What a lovely post, I very much see where you’re coming from. I spent a lot of my childhood, making dens, climbing trees, very much famous five but I also spent some in suburbia. Looking back memories nearly always relate to family so I don’t suppose it matters where I lived. Your twins look so happy, they are growing up fast.
Love your post, as always, you make me look at life from a different angle; very thoughtful and inspiring.
I grew up in London and then moved to the suburbs but am now fortunate to own a holiday home on the coast, (not far from Chichester) and at the moment spend my time driving between the two, until we make the move permanently. On the drive down through villages near the South Downs I am able to appreciate the wonderful views and countryside; (I am thinking you must live in one of the lovely villages near Storrington or Houghton. This country living is not something that I thought I would ever dream after as I am a ‘townie’ and love London life but now that I’ve just turned 50 I can appreciate the beauty and charm.
Some of us may never have the opportunity to live out our dreams but that should not stop us having them.
It makes me very happy when I see pictures of you and your family living your dream. Well done to your and Robert for making that dream come true.
I have also recently started blogging and I think my dream is to have a blog as good as yours! Take a look at http://www.paulineshome.blogspot.com
Beautiful. Everything- you are a beautiful mother with a beautiful family and a beautiful home. You appreciate what you have and you grow with your struggles instead of allowing them to overtake you. You have a beautiful heart. Thank you for sharing!
Lovely pictures and a very insightful post. A few days ago I watched an HBO movie on Netflix called Temple Grandin. She is an endlessly fascinating woman and spoke about this very thing in many youtube interviews. The BBC followed her around, asking questions and what she said about raising children today, whether they have disabilities or not, makes perfect sense to instill exactly what you address. Grocery stores are geared by marketing geniuses to make adults impulse buy and children help in that venture by placing items at their eye level, carts and all. It was interesting to hear what it’s like to go into a store for a child with Autism and I think the same stimulus affects all children to a varying degree. She also spoke of the Roy Rogers code growing up. After a quick google, I could see the value of it. I once read where the happiest children who turn into productive adults are those that have chores which contribute on a real level to the family. Both my kids drove from home to small colleges and have worked. They are very appreciative of their careers and haven’t suffered a peculiar ailment that is afflicting their younger coworkers who have found it difficult to exit the college world with degrees they aren’t interested in pursuing and have no idea what to do. I think it was economic hardship on our part that turned out advantageous. There was a time we could have sent them off for a carefree college life handed to them but things changed. I don’t think it’s so much the “advantages” people have,it’s what they do with them. I remember a very wealthy client of mine, who could have bought the entire shop’s contents, making her daughter choose two Christmas ornaments. She told me she had to be very careful in pointing out the things her children had so they could appreciate them and not let them have things indiscriminately. Those kids were as excited as any when they got their two pairs of shoes each year. I learned quite a lot from her. Her children had the most amazing manners, were unspoiled in the midst of a very affluent life and worked very hard academically, probably harder than any other clients I have since had. They had an infectious curiosity for life and couldn’t wait to grow old enough to pursue their dreams.
Dear Cherry,
What a wonderful post!! I think I was Enid’s biggest fan – still have all my Famous Five books!! But my most favourite was ‘The Secret Island’ did you ever read that one? It wasn’t about the Famous Five or Secret Seven – it was a brother and sister, left to live with a wicked aunt and uncle – they found a friend and ran away to a secret island – oh it was wonderful and recently I bought myself a copy from e-bay and read it again with delight!! The other similar book was The Hollow Tree House. I grew up very simiarly to you – with a garden and plenty of parks, but no real countryside to speak of – although I did a walk away from Sarehole Mill where it is rumored that Tolkien based lots of his works on.
We now live in quite a rural area, not far from Stratford upon Avon. I was remarking to my daughter just the other day, how lucky she has been to be surrounded by lovely countryside – she has a part time job in a castle (wonderful setting) and goes to a gorqeous college, but as you say, you cant thrust your dreams upon your children and I have found that to be very true….my daughter? She cant wait to go to MAGALUF with her friends this summer when she is 18!! HELP ME!!!!!
Lisa xxx
I was lucky enough to be raised in N.Wales. My parents weren’t very wealthy, my dad was the parish vicar. We had the hugest house and garden. A huge house which they couldnt afford to heat and a huge garden that would have needed an army of gardeners to keep it looking beautiful. My parents did everything they could to give us what we needed. One of the lawns was turned into an immense vegetable patch with apple trees and soft fruits galore (i cant remember us EVER setting foot in a fruit and veg shop) My mam bought a pair of nanny goats and we used their milk for drinking, cheese and yogurt. The goats helped keep the garden tidy and were bred, nannies were sold on and the billies ended up in the same place as our baby rabbits, the freezer :/ OR swapped with our neighbours for some pork or lamb. Once i hit teenage years I was a little embarrassed of how we lived and was soooo happy when my dad was offered a new job by the bishop. It meant more money and a smaller house and garden, no room for goats!! Up until a 18mnths ago we were very lucky as a family to have the opportunity to live in Tunisia (through hubby’s work) We were there for 7years living a very glam life, not a smelly goat or home grown potato in sight, lol When my husbands contract came to an end we had the choice to move to another country and continue our spoilt lifestyle. We decided that we wanted something more real for our 3 kids. So, here i am living in Devon while my husband works away at head office in Reading, raising my kids in the country, on a smallholding with two very beautiful sows, 20 ex-battery hens, 4 rescued cats from tunisia and very daft labrador. Do I miss the parties, my maid, the gardener and the extra money? NO!! because I know that what i’m giving my children is the best upbringing I can give them
Your kids will probably grow up taking their wonderful country lifestyle for granted but once they’ve had a taste of city life they’ll be hot-tailing it back to the muddy, smelly country and thanking you!!
Lovely post, i hope you get the news you want x
We, as a family, made the decision to up sticks and move to the countryside about 5 years ago. Some of our friends and family still think we are mad. It hasn’t been easy as we kind of stretched ourselves to get there, though I can honestly say that we have never regretted it. I am looking forward to the spring/summer when the countryside really comes into it’s own and no matter what is going on in life, the surroundings are going to be beautiful and so uplifting.
Your babies are just so sweet! Thank you for the lovely post Cherry x
Beautiful pics this morning, Cherry! What news are you waiting on? Did I miss something?
ooh Kirren Island! though I wanted to be one of the Secret 7 myself.
My childhood was like yours, but no garden just a yard, but in 2 minutes we could be across the road, down a little street and onto playing fields near a railway, where great adventures were had, alongside sledging and snowball fights in winter, picnics in summer, fishing in the pond, waving at people on trains and generally having a good time, safe times..unknown to us all, parents took in turns to cross the same road and check all was well…and we gave no one any cheek or trouble. in rainy weather we sat in the shed of my friend, who’s mum made biscuits and cakes for the ‘secret 7′ which could have more or less members depending on who was out on the day, happy happy days and wonderful memories.
Now I live with fields opposite and on the edge of a country park and my children have grown up here, have had adventures of their and been kept safe, but its been a simple upbringing all round, they have been brought up with values. that they can’t have everything they ask for, but that they can have whatever they work hard for…and so they do.
and oh the times I have had to put down my shopping and take them out of a shop for screaming and misbehaving oooohh dear!!!
love to all and the cutie twins xxx
Today’s photos are wonderfully serene. My other half and I have similar dreams; a want for wide open spaces as well as dark mulchy woodland but at the moment we’re limited to where we can live however we have recently re-discovered our local parks and river banks with our beautifully cheeky fox terrier. We so look forward to sharing the birdsong and shivering ducks and glistening bark and crisp frosty mornings with any little people that come into our lives if we’re blessed enough to have them. Keep warm, safe on the roads and remind those who you love how special they are x
Hi Cherry. Sorry to put a dampner on your monday morning but I just wanted to say how much you’ve helped me over the passed month as my stepdad has been in hospital with pneumonia and when times got tough I thought of you and how you coped when your family members were ill, and I really do feel you helped me to be strong over this difficult time. Unfortunately he passed away last night, but it wasn’t a shock really as he’s quite old now and not in good health anyway.
PS. Ned looks like my little boy as they both have the same hair.
Hope the books going well, I’m really looking forward to seeing it xxx
Oh my love, I’m so sorry. Please don’t think you are putting a damper on anything. We are all in this together virtually or otherwise. Cx
Thanks Cherry xxx
Hey Lydia,
I saw this and just wanted to pass on my love at such a difficult time xx
Thank you Amanda and Jo, you’re all lovely people on here xx
Dear Lydia, please never feel sharing your joys and sadnesses will be putting a damper on anything. I wish to send you lots of love and hope you ask and continue receiving tender loving care, from clear across the wide ocean and a continent. From Washington state, where the swans are still flying.
Though I am much older than you with older children (men now) I can relate to your post. We moved by the sea when my children were young, I love it, never take it for granted when I look out of the window and sometimes feel I am on a boat! and though children have moved, we will probably be here the rest of our lives. You just have to make the best life you can wherever you are. Have a great day.