2012 was a year of great loss for my family and I. I don’t write everything down on my blog so you’ll have to trust me on that one. During the past year Robert and I would occasionally stare at one another and know that the other would be thinking ‘not again’.
I escaped those hard times by thinking about the future. I imagined the future to be better, more hopeful and less heartbreaking. But as the year went on I found that constantly trying to escape to a time and a place that doesn’t even exist yet was not helping me at all. In fact it was making me more miserable because no matter how hard I tried to get away when I was brought abruptly back in to the moment I hadn’t done anything to make it more bearable.
I knew that there had to be an answer to all this.
So I began to read. I read and read and read and read. I picked up every book that I could find on spiritual living and living spiritually. Some things I read I agreed with and some I did not. Some books were written by total nutcases and some were written by really wonderful people that I have found myself relating to. But I was miserable and unsettled and felt like I was living in a total fog so I reached out to anything I could lay my hands on.
But there was one through line that I found coming up time and time again and that was a lot of writing about the ‘present moment’. I read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle in 2008 and was slightly overwhelmed by its profundity. I knew it held great secrets but I’m quite certain that my brain and my life experience up until that point were not formed enough to take it in. When I was wiped out for a week just before Christmas and couldn’t get out of bed for a few days due to some random bug I picked the book back up again. And I got it.
It was only through the loss experienced in 2012 ( and also from 2008 onwards) that my eyes were opened to what I had in the present moment. I had, for the last four years, been constantly running from deep pain that began in 2008 and continued until the end of last year and the result of that was that I had no idea what was right there in front of me.
I can blame the ‘trying to escape’ on loads of events that have happened in those four years, some of them pretty bloody valid, but the result of the behavior will always be the same if not a little contradictory – when I’ve finished running I’ll return to a place where I am exactly the same but I’ll have also missed a great deal.
I’ll not have been present enough with my young twins due to worrying about the future. I’ll not have laughed enough with my husband due to thinking about something that has hurt me. I’ll not take in my surroundings because I’ll be pissed off that it’s raining once again. You get the picture.
Something else I realised was that I was living my life on everybody else’s terms. If someone told me I HAD to do a certain thing I would more often than not do it.
“You have to do this for your kids because it’ll make them happier, blah, blah, blah”
“Don’t decorate the room in your house like that, do it this way, blah blah blah”
“I miss what you used to do on your website, do it again or you’ll lose readers, blah blah blah”
“You have to present yourself as this type of person or nobody will buy your book, blah, blah, blah”
“You can’t suddenly open a baking school, you’ll confuse people blah blah blah” (WHAT?!?!)
But when you’re told stuff all the time and you’re also trying to make sense of things that you want to change you become really suggestive to other people’s thoughts. And I think it’s a rather dangerous place to be. Because, as I have discovered, after four years of floundering about listening to what other people think I should be doing and getting confused about what it is that I want to be doing with my time my body stopped and sent me to bed. And so I was no good for anybody.
Great.
Perfect.
Just peachy.
NOT!
My week in bed showed me things about myself that I’d like to share with you.
They are -
My twins are growing up very quickly and I want to be present for every single moment.
I want them to grow up in the house we own in West Sussex. No more moving.
I am a homemaker.
I am a feminist.
I don’t mind if you can’t get your head around that last one.
I love cooking.
I love baking.
I love teaching.
I love to communicate.
I love being at home and creating within it.
I love cottage industries that are set up from home by women and I am proud of myself for being the founder of one.
I love the fact that my husband and I are a team.
I will never understand why people do the things they do.
It is not my job to understand.
It is my job to live my values, no matter what anybody else thinks, writes, emails, discusses or believes they know about me.
Because by living MY values I will be a good mummy, wife, friend, baker, cook, teacher and communicator.
And that is all.
My values are right here, ready for me to take and live by, in the very moment that I’m writing this. So no more living in the future, no more altering thoughts or beliefs or behaviors through fear or other people’s suggestions. That would be a life half-lived.
It is an absolute impossibility for me, or anyone else, to miss things that life has for them by living in the present moment. It’s by living in the past or the future that life is missed. Such is the power of now.
2013 is lovely right now. And that is all I need to concern myself with.
I love you.
Cherry x
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Aaahhhh so good to see the Cherry is back on the cake!!! x
Happy New Year to you Cherry. So sorry to hear you’ve had such a tough time last year, but great to see you coming out the other end stronger than ever.
I too have had a year like that which has made me question everything I believe in, which I’ve found very difficult as I think that we all need certain beliefs but what do you do when all you believe has gone?
After seeing your post about the Oprah show I’m happy to say that spiritual reading has been my new reading addiction. Have you heard of Louise Hay, I’m really enjoying the positive feelings I get after reading her books? I shall also try the book you mentioned above too. The Dalai Lama has some interesting books too.
Also reading what you said above about doing what you want to do not what others think you should do has got me thinking too as I’m due to go back to work in September and don’t want to go back to my old job as I never liked it and I have other ideas of things I’d like to do. Everytime I thought about the job I heard the comments of others in my head about how I should go back as jobs are hard to come by now and trying to do your own thing is too risky.
So thank you Cherry as usual I can always seem to relate to what you are saying and I wish you well for your future endevours, I know you’ll do well. xx
Well said Cherry. Live for today, treat all those dear to you with love and care and just live the moment. I keep reminding my husband (through the stresses of 4 kids, 3 jobs, a messy home, messy pets, car breaking down, juggling finances – the list goes on) that these are in fact probably the best years of our lives and when we are old and grey, we will probably wish that we could go back in time to that manic episode of our lives!! Enjoy x
Dear Cherry,
What an beautiful and honest account of how you are feeling.
I kind of have similiar issues to yourself and need to slooow down and re-evaluate rethink, and your message has inspired me!
Very wise words.
I love your blogs, you write very beautifully.
Good luck with all your ventures for 2013,
And here’s to living in the NOW!! xxxx
Just re-read this after pondering on it all day, very inspiring and I say Amen to living in the now.
Bless you and here’s to a good 2013 for you and your family xxx
And amen to that. I am here now…. And loving it. x
Happy new year Cherry… every blessing for you and your family for the coming year. I thought you ought to know that YOU and YOUR BLOG have inspired me over the last few years that I have been reading, and I am now planning to start my own little home business. So thank you. xx
Great post Cherry – it’s only by finding ourselves and sticking to our own values that we thrive. Happy 2013 and I look forward to seeing what the future has in store for you!
I am so happy that you have found YOUR way.
And am again amazed at the power of our own body, to communicate with us. In little ways… And in big ways, as your body simply stopped, and made you stop too. And listen… And learn…
May we all continue to listen to our own body… It knows what is best, for us.
Gentle hugs,
“Auntie”
Very Profound Cherry. I want it Framed with your lovely picture right by it. Thank You as always, that really helped me. You are a “verb” a woman in motion heading down a path to greater things.
Cherry…This is so beautifully said. I would NEVER worry about losing readership. We all attract those who think LIKE us, so never try to be anything you are not. Oftentimes, people DO give good advice. We would like to own a bed and breakfast. We’ve looked for years, sold our home….and just recently purchased the land we are going to build it on. I do know from experience, however, that your market will lead you somewhat.
For example, if we have soft pillows and more firmer ones are often requested, we’ll be buying some firmer pillows. If we have all down bedding and we’re requested to have more non-allergenic bedding, we’ll be buying those, too.
However, the HEART of you….who you are. Don’t EVER change that. Trends change, peoples’ tastes change, needs change for YOU and for your readership, but the more true you are to YOURSELF, the more that will be seen and appreciated. BE YOU. We LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!
And blessings for a healthy, joy-filled and abundant New Year!!!! I so wish I could fly to England and take a class….I will put it on my list of wishes.
Love and all the Best,
Joann
and yes, LOVE those beautiful children; they are the MAIN priority, along with your husband. XOXO
Wow reading this i can very much relate too. It has actually made me very emotional.. I also need to live in the power of now. And i was actually bought this audio book of the power is now and never listened to it, until this afternoon that it.. Thank you Cherry for all your words of wisdom ,sharing your story and life with us i so look forward to what you have to say. A book you may like that i have just started – May cause miracles by Gabrielle Bernstien. One word… Outstanding.. I know you liked her interview on Super Soul Sunday so im sure u will like this.
Sending you lots and lots of positive vibes xx Charlotte xxx
Happy New Year Cherry! I am about to try and make this a much more ‘fulfilling’ year – didn’t do too well with the last one! – so your post was most inspiring … thank you! I have heard of the book ‘The Power of Now’ so think that it is time to read it ‘now’!! I agree with you that life is too short – now in my mid-sixties (but not mentally!!) time seems to be absolutely whizzing by and I sometimes ‘panic’ that I’m not going to have time to ‘do’ everything… i.e., use all my wool, fabric, beads etc… or see all the places I want to see… so I’m certainly starting this year with a ‘get on with it’ attitude! I’m writing this in Nebraska, USA, where I’m visiting my daughter and family, including the new ‘Miss Millie’ who is growing at a rate of knots. Babies grow so quickly don’t they… so I really appreciate what you say about treasuring every moment.
Hoping that I’ll get chance to come down to one of your courses. As with Liz, I, too, am ‘up North’ but love your part of the world. Happy, happy 2013 and love, health and happiness to you and yours. Jennie xx
ROCK ON!
There’s one more thing that you are and that is a marvelous human being. Authentic human beings are in short supply these days and are to be cherished. I don’t read your blog because of what other people tell you what you should be experiencing; infact I have a peculiar knee jerk reaction not to read your blog when it doesn’t ring true. It just doesn’t have that Cherry flavor and it’s not very appealing. So thank heavens you’ve made these decisions for you and your family. Life passes so very quickly. I have an overwhelming desire to grab strangers and my adult children’s iPhones and stomp them when I see parents ignoring their children while pressing their noses into yet another text or email. My daughter just now finished college and a final paper on how technology has changed the working world and most importantly infringed upon lives. No one can disconnect from their jobs anymore. The professor was so moved he went on a rant! Meanwhile, my mother in law has lost her short term and working memory which means she literally lives in the present and can not make new memories. To be with her, one must also stay in the present and answer relentless questions, mostly about the past. It drives everyone crazy except me because apparently my toddler grandchildren have given me excellent training in dementia. Children are always present in the present. They make her extraordinarily happy because they mind meld on the same level. So, yes, cheers to you and for taking a stand to live life in the present. All the best to you and your’s in 2013!
Thank you for sharing, I have been in a bit of a fog lately, have struggled since the death of my baby girl in 2010, have been too busy trying to keep everyone happy, people that don’t matter really, I try to keep busy to blot everything out, so I don’t have to think about the pain. I NEED to ‘be here now’ I need to laugh more with my 3 beautiful young children that are with me and look after the new one on the way. I need to stop saying yes to people, who ask me to take things on, Stop worrying what they will think of me if i say no! I need to spend more time enjoying the company of my lovely husband.
Thank you Cherry x sending much love from my family to yours x
Here, here and a Happy New Year!
You need to do whatever you need to do to give the best you can to ONLY the things you want to.
Sheila
x
I really get you on the ‘I am a homemaker, I am a feminist’. After a long gap between children we had a baby in April, (I must be mad!) and I’ve really enjoyed slowing things down a bit and being at home. Having had a stressful job for a number of years, it’s been great to be at home for both my children and bake and craft and potter about. ‘Friends’ have said ‘ooh look at you playing Nigella and being all domestic goddess’ or ‘ahh, never thought I’d see you playing the little housewife’
It made me pretty cross at first, then I shrugged it off. I now run a business from home and am still a mother but I’m no doormat.
x
Beautifully said.
Mary M.
Dear Cherry
I’m so happy to read this – you have been through so much pain that your readers know about and so much, it seems, that we don’t, so it does my heart good to read that you are in a better place. I’m so glad that you’re doing what YOU want to do and living YOUR life in the best way possible for you and your loved ones.
You and your website are a constant inspiration to me as I try to live my life in the most fulfilled, happy and creative way possible, and I will always remember and be touched by the fact that you took the time to send a personal response to the first comment I left on your web site. I probably won’t comment often in the future – as I don’t tend to comment on the blogs I read as a rule – but know that I’ll keep reading and enjoying as long as you keep blogging – and I’ll be in Waterstones buying your book as soon as it’s out! I also dream of attending one of your new classes which I think sound absolutely wonderful and a perfect evolution of who you are and what you do – any chance of a roadshow in the years to come as I’m up in the North East, about as far away from you as possible while still being in the same country?! In the meantime I’ll have to get myself to Manchester…anyway, all the very, very best for 2013.
With love,
Liz xxx
Good for you Cherry!
We are all so worried about what others think and we shouldn’t be, I for one spend far too much time worrying about others and what they think of me instead of actually getting on with what I want to do. Life is too short. Someone once said to me “Love many, trust few and always paddle your own canoe” Keep paddling Cherry, you are doing a sterling job! May 2013 be a great year for us all! Lxxx
Good Morning Cherry,
I have had this book in my Amazon wish list for a little while now but was unsure if it would be another wasted purchase written by some weirdo with unrealistic views that could not be understood nor practised by real people. You have convinced me to click the buy button and I’m hoping this is just the remedy I need to set off 2013 in the right direction!
I’m sorry to hear of the sadness that you seem to be faced with repeatedly, keep going and like you say enjoy your lovely family in the mean time!
Thanks for your continued inspiration,
Nina x
Oh Cherry,you just said exactly what I needed…as much as it may be a contradiction,I think I needed someone else to say all that so I knew it was ok to do the same!I had a huge argument with a ‘friend’s about how easy my life is (I am proudly a stay at home mum to my two,at least until the 4 year old starts school this year) compared to parents who work and it totally threw me out of kilter.Everyone has other big things in their life (a lot of lady health problems in mine,despite being otherwise fit & healthy – which makes it hard for people to understand how I struggle sometimes) and to feel you have to justify the things you do because of them is wrong.I don’t care anymore that I haven’t worked for a few years…we are lucky enough that my hubs earns enough for me to be able to do what I do with the children and I now see the ‘friends’ comments more as jealousy than anything else.
Be happy with who you are,the home you’ve made,the partnership you have with your husband & the children you are raising…and if you can,maybe I can too
A wonderful new year to you all
Liz xxx
get this. get it so much.
It took me the best part of 40 years to start thinking ‘bog off’ to all the people who put me down, or laughed at me for doing things MY way. Or even – through blogging – criticised me for just being me!!!
Now I don’t care. I just go through life at my own pace, doing things my way, and enjoying my home and family. If people don’t like it, then they know what they can do.
So good for you for just knowing what’s important to YOU. Everyone is different, but at times it seems people want us to all be the same. Why is that?
The one day at a time thing is the best way to be. My little girl has so far told me how long it is until her birthday, and how soon it will be until Christmas! urgh. I’m all for planning & looking forward to things, but back the truck up a bit girly girl! I’ve said so many times to her lately ‘just enjoy now, don’t wish time away’.
I digress. You are right. Enjoy now, enjoy life. I’m sorry you had bad times during the last year, but here’s to a year full of hope and joy, and of course, your baking school storming to huge success. Which it will.I can feel it in my bones!
Happy New Year!
xx
p.s nothing wrong with your website. It is growing & changing as you do, which is exactly how it should be.
Happy new year cherry !!! By the way you will never lose readers !